Posts Tagged ‘arguments’

Recently I mentioned my husband’s oldest brother has cancer and he is not doing very well. They have brought in hospice and the whole situation is very sad. Larry is not only dealing with the eminent loss of his brother but he is helping his parents who are 88 & 90 years old deal with their sorrow. And like everyone else the company he works for is in what I like to call the lean and mean period. We have all seen it when the economy is on a downward slide the company cuts back and expects more from their employees who are still employed by them.

Like most Saturdays Larry went into work to catch up on tasks that couldn’t be completed during the workweek. Now this is a man that goes into work during the week at 6:30 AM and comes home most evenings 6:30 PM. It is only a 10 minute or less drive to his office.

This Saturday was no different he went into the office at 6:30 AM and came home at 1:00 PM. I could tell he was very stressed and tired. I asked him if he wanted to talk about it and he said no but just sat there and stared. I decided not to probe him and let him be. A short while later I suggested he lay down on the couch and take a short nap. With a little convincing he did lie down and fell asleep for a couple of hours. That seemed to help and a little later while in the car we talked about what is going on with him.

The reason I am telling you about this is because on Monday, Dec 13, the Today Show had a segment about the difference between the male and female brain and how it works. They talked about how a man when under stress his brain activity decreases whereas a women’s brain activity increases. They said to give him space and leave him alone. When under stress a woman needs to talk about it and they suggested women call a friend. So I guessed I did it right. I left Larry alone and let him work it out then later while we were driving he opened up.

Check out the video I think you will lean a lot about how to interact with your spouse.

The Today Show – What You Should Know About His Brain – and Yours

I have mentioned before I noticed Larry is at his most talkative when we are in the car. He is relaxed and looking straight ahead concentrating on the traffic ahead telling me about his day, concerns or wishes. We all need to understand how each of us communicates for us to have a good marriage.

Don’t forget to get what you need for a very memorable Christmas. See Romantic Christmas, December 2nd, 2010. Remember last year and the fun you had with your sweetheart? See Christmas Lights, Dec 18, 2009. The big reveal will be on Dec 21st.

Keep those sparks flying!
JoJo

© 2010, Surprise Kiss. All rights reserved.

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What do you do when you don’t agree on how the children should be raised? Do you argue it out in front of the kids or do you go behind closed doors and yell at the top of your lungs, where everyone can hear what you are saying? Raising children can be tricky. Each child has their special personality and they each need to be handled differently. Then when you throw in divorce and children it gets more complicated. To top it all off, children do know how to play you both if you let them, before you know it they are in control not you.

Whether you have a blended family or not, children can be trying on your marriage at times. Sometimes it is difficult to agree on how a situation should be handled. When your children are little it is physical, you are either running after them or lifting them but as they get older it becomes more mental. Whatever stage your kids are in it is tiring. Teenagers are a whole different story. They are still kids and want to be treated as adults. They are still trying to find their way in this complicated world and as a couple you are there to guide them. What do you do when you don’t agree?

When our daughter became a teenager my husband and I found a way to discuss our differences by taking a walk. In the evening after dinner we would have our daughter clear the table and put the dishes in the dishwasher while we went for our nightly walk around the neighborhood. As our daughter grew older we found out her hearing was so much better when we didn’t want her to hear what we were talking about as compared to when we wanted her to listen to us. Our evening walks gave us an opportunity to discuss any issues that may have come up that we were concern about and discuss them without her hearing our differences. There were many times we didn’t agree on how a situation should be handled and as we walked we would work it out. Sometimes one of us felt we needed to come down hard and the other felt it wasn’t that important of an issue. We would walk and talk until we both came to an agreement. The times when we couldn’t come to an agreement the other would give in because one of us felt so strongly about it. We never kept track of who won an argument or who lost we found a way to respect each other and their concerns. One thing was for sure when we walked back into our home we stood strong together, she couldn’t play us against each other.

Find a way for you as a couple to work out your disagreements with raising your children without your children hearing you argue out your differences. Stand tall together, respect each other and your children will respect you. Walking may be just the thing you have been looking for in dealing with each child and how you need to handle a situation. I know walking was not only good for us as a couple but the madder we were the faster we walked. We were getting our exercise and working together to raise a healthy, productive adult in society.

Come together on raising your children. You will notice there will be less tension in the household and your children will be happier.

Keep those sparks flying!
JoJo

© 2010, Surprise Kiss. All rights reserved.

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Do you get into arguments with your spouse and both of you won’t back down because you both think you are right? Do you want to go someplace put your spouse hates going there? How do you look at life’s issues? Do you see life as black and white or do you look at life and know some things in life are gray. Some issues there are no right or wrong; it just depends on how you look at life and the issues that come up. Lucky for my husband and me, we agree to disagree.

I didn’t realize we were doing this until one weekend I had flown to Missouri to hear a famous Christian speaker and author named Joyce Meyer. She talked about how she always expected her and her husband to always agree on everything together. They would have these huge fights and it wasn’t until she realized that some issues weren’t that important to have the other always agree with them. That’s when she decided to agree to disagree.

My husband may not like the outfit I purchased but I like it. I don’t get upset because he doesn’t like it, nor do I return it. I will wear it when I’m not with him. I don’t need his approval on everything. I used to work in the Real Estate related industry. I was in charge of the customer service departments for a major title company in the area and was also involved in sales as need for my company. There were many times I needed to attend parties and functions after hours. My husband was invited to attend but because he didn’t know these people like I did and he felt uncomfortable I never made him feel like he had to go along with me.

When we travel there are places we want to go to that are just plain boring for the other. One example is when we go to the Orange County area I like to go to IKEA and he has his favorite car shop he likes to go to. He drops me off at IKEA and then he drives to the car shop and purchases what he wants. When he is done he drives to IKEA parks then gives me a call and we meet inside while I purchase the items I want for the house.

One day I was talking to a gal who was telling me about her trip to New York with her husband. This was their first trip there. After a couple of days of walking he was tried and wanted to go see a movie. She didn’t want to because she wanted to take in as much of the city as she could while they were there. She ended up going with him to see the movie but wasn’t happy about it. What she should have done is let him go and watch the movie while she went to the places he didn’t want to see but she did. After the movie they would have had an opportunity to talk about the different things they had done. They would have gotten to do what they wanted to do instead of one of them giving in and feeling resentful.

Look at your arguments and decide how important the issue is. If it isn’t something very important that is going to affect your life together. Then agree to disagree. I know this is what my husband and I do and it works very well in our marriage, there is less drama and less turmoil.

*Don’t forget to get the items I mentioned you needed for Valentines in my blog on “Are You Ready.” You will be told what to do with the first set of items on January 29th and the second set of items on February 12th.  If you liked my Christmas idea you will like this one!

Keep those sparks flying!
JoJo

© 2010, Surprise Kiss. All rights reserved.

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